Day 11: June 17

 

The Hohenzollern Castle Coup, Baden-Württemberg

17.06.24

By John Thomas

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The day began with an ordinary gathering at Hechingen Gymnasium. Herr Holland was funny, people spoke, it seemed normal. 

We were ushered into a bus, where there was nobody but us. On this bus we drove to the foot of a large (by Oklahoma standards) hill, and there we would trek up to see a view of Hohenzollern Castle and the surrounding landscape.

The hike may have been uphill, but the terrain was not as treacherous as what was to come. When we arrived to the top, we, the Oklahoman Flatlanders, were stunned by what we saw.

Hills, villages, forest, clouds and the sky as far as we could see. All of it was background splendor for the castle itself which, despite being far away, as still excellent to see.

We stood upon the hill, taking pictures and chatting. Some other hikers brought donkeys with them, which we interacted with. All of us found the donkeys and the experience itself to be cute and fun respectively. Hunter picked up Here Holland, demonstrating the absolute power he was keeping in reserve in case we were viciously attacked on our journey.

Despite Hunter’s absolute power, the hike ahead would soon grow to exhaust our band of Flatlanders. I stood ahead of the group, acting as an honorary Pathfinder as Frau Hiller directed us along the right path.

It seemed like we would never make it. The heat, ticks, bugs, mud, and various other environmental hazards forced us to keep on our toes, lest we get claimed by the forest. We eventually arrived at a concrete road, which some of us continued to trek up to the castle and others who fell behind, or waited, boarded a bus to go up. Both groups arrived roughly at the same time. Then, the time had come, to explore the castle.

We were fascinated by the architecture and history of the historical castle of the Hohenzollern Dynasty. There was a treasure room, multiple other rooms, a catacombs, and a cafe. There were statues, excellently displayed in rooms, and a stunning view of everything surrounding the castle.

Not everything was meant to move this smoothly, as would later be evidenced. On our trek down, one group of us went ahead while another waited by a bus stop. The fiendish, tyrannical Herr Holland had stuck behind with me and the rest of the bus stoppers. He declared, despite us being thorough exhausted from the day’s adventure, that we were to walk down the rest of the mountain DESPITE the bus arriving and willing to take us down.

I had to do something. This injustice simply could not be ignored! I exclaimed “Hark, Herr Holland! This unjustice of yours cannot stand! I call a vote among the rest of the adventurer Flatlanders to remove your power over us!”

Many hands were raised, but the vote did not pass. The hardliner supporters of Herr Hollandism, namely Frau Rex and Frau Hiller, did not vote in favor in order to depose Herr Holland. Our liberty loving democratic process had been pushed to the wayside, to rot.

We waited. The bus platform we stood on was open, with many stairs for us to claim as seats so we may rest until we returned home. Many of us chatted, until I heard something that presented an opportunity. A comparison was made between Todo from Lord of the Rings and Herr Holland, as Herr Holland had an army through us. 

This could only mean one thing. If you have not the support of the army, you do not rule your land. I declared “Coup!” Herr Holland, sensing imminent defeat, surrendered early by saying “Ok.” I, merciful John Thomas, spared Herr Holland’s life so he may live in exile. 

With this Hohenzollern Castle Coup completed, we returned to our homes with joy in our hearts, that the tyrant Herr Holland had been vanquished, and a mighty adventure to tell. The mighty virtues of Freedom, Liberty and Democracy were valiantly defended on this day of adventure.